Everyone knows if you walk on two feet, you’re essentially a boss. And by boss, I mean you run shit. Humans are a perfect example. We do what we want, when we want, and how we want. Yeah, we may have our own laws, but no other animal gets in our f*cking way. You know what I mean? If I’m driving, and there’s a deer in the way, I’m not switching lanes. Everyone knows that. I’m putting on my seatbelt and turning up the tunes so I don’t have to hear that thing squeal or listen to my thunderous acceleration. That’s the cardinal rule of walking on two feet. Don’t take nothin’ from nobody.

Anyway, a branch of the CIA, AIA (Animal Intelligence Agency) contacted us because of the following photo:

And to be honest, I am a little worried. These penguins are walking with such swagger, it hurts my stomach. Think about the significance of this photo. They saw that they were completely outnumbered….and they didn’t give a sh*t.

All I really have to say is that we can’t have multiple bosses on this planet and we can’t have multiple animals walking on two feet. Everyone knows you look way more badass on two feet than four feet (as the following two pictures show), and if animals start to realize this, I’m moving to the moon.